Italian Born Chinese

Logan’s 3 months old! ^_^

I have breastfed Logan for 3 months and can’t believe I’m still doing it, thinking about how challenging it has been since the beginning…

No-one ever told me that breastfeeding could be this difficult. I now have a lot of respect for mothers who breastfeed. Just because a lot of people do it doesn’t mean it’s easy. The same goes for labor.

Three months of breastfeeding makes it feel like a long and difficult journey. For me, this has been harder than labor or getting distinction on a masters degree.

It’s not just the physical exhaustion of the body producing milk and getting up to feed the baby every 2 or 3 hours. It’s the pain, the engorgement, the leaking/spraying, the frustration of not knowing the million reasons why a baby would cry during a feeding session. Sometimes, I cried with him. To this day, I still can’t face the shower-head because the water pressure hurts that much. Thankfully, I have finally been able to wear something since last week without feeling super sore and irritated even if that is limited to the best and lightest silk at this stage. (Thank God that Logan was born during a warm season!) The issue with clothing compelled me to give up a lot of things such as going out for walks etc which led to other issues. My mom tried for a long time persuading me to give up breastfeeding and switch to formula. At one point, even John couldn’t stand seeing me in such pain and suggested that I should stop breastfeeding. No doubt that I was so tempted, especially whenever I saw others holding Logan – something that I couldn’t do because of the severe chest pain. It made me so sad, wishing that my breasts were not so clinically sensitive so that I could hold my baby just like everyone else. Still, every time I concluded that I wanted to feed my baby the very best, making sure that he has a healthy and strong body to begin his life with.

And you know what?! He does. Praise the Lord! He’s growing so fast and getting so big. He was born a smaller baby, but… We bumped into our pediatrician 2 weeks ago. He looked at Logan and asked if we were feeding him other things on top of breastmilk. Not. Trying hard to be polite, the doctor told us that we should cut back a bit because Logan was getting too big and fat! (Check out his photos on the site!) ^_^

I enjoy having my baby close and knowing that I am able to provide for my child even though it comes with pain. He loves being breastfed. Lying on the breastfeeding pillow so close to my heart, he always falls asleep so quickly, feeling really secure and comfy even if he had just woken up full of energy prior to feeding.

I am sooo grateful to God. I’m grateful that He gave me friends who keep praying for me and encouraging me. I’m grateful that He gave me more than enough milk to feed my baby. I’m grateful that He gave me John – a wonderful and loving husband and father. I’m most grateful especially because He created Logan whom we’ve been so blessed with. His existence has already brought so much joy in our lives. I thank God for the privilege of being able to experience motherhood and the luxury of being able to breastfeed at all.

While breastfeeding challenge continues, I’m so glad that God is by my side and to know that He would never give me anything I can’t handle.

Logan honey, my baby boy, happy 3-month! I love you sooo much. Mmmuuuaaahhh!