Logan and I have been sick a few times in the last 2 months. It’s a total chaos at home when the baby is not comfortable. The second time he had a cold, he had diarrhea and vomited for a week. It was very hard on all of us especially in the nights. And all these months I thought I was useless, until I became sick (with what a doctor thought was mastitis) and couldn’t take care of Logan normally. John had to take time off work to care of Logan for almost a week. Praise the Lord for restoring our health.

Logan’s now in his 9th month.  I’m still breastfeeding him regularly, every 3 to 4 hours around the clock.  He loves loves loves to be breastfed.  He “dances and sings” every time when he knows that he’s about to be breastfed.  He’s also on all kinds of solids now and he loves to eat and eat.  He gets very impatient when his food doesn’t reach his mouth fast enough.  Whatever we have, he also wants a bite.  He can eat, any time of the day, and he eats whatever he can get.  He doesn’t seem to be picky at all.  I think he’s a real good boy when it comes to eating and food.  He’s easily fed and satisfied.

Logan doesn’t do too well in big groups.  He’s very clingy to me these days.  If he doesn’t see me or sense my presence, he cries.  He crawls around and likes to pull himself up to standing, but every few minutes he’d turn back to sit on my lap or climb over me.  Often, he wants me to hold him.  He definitely has preferences now.  He often grabs me tightly with one hand and slaps the hands of whoever else that wants to hold him with his other hand.  It’s weird that sometimes he doesn’t even want John or my mom to hold him.  My muscles get more and more strengthened each day from holding him.

My nice ah-yi XiaoMei, on her way to work, was hit by a car Thursday morning. I was so shocked and worried for her. She had to stop working and told me to replace her. I really like her and would love it if she could recover soon and come back to us. I’m lucky that my brother’s been home. He helped play with and hold Logan a bit throughout Thursday and also Friday morning. I cleaned my home, did laundry, hand-washed Logan’s clothes, and cooked rice porridge with sweet potato for him. I think he was confused why XiaoMei has disappeared and that I’ve been running around in our apartment. I had him strapped on me sometimes while I did some of the housework. The 2 days were very busy and exhausting for me but also very productive. I didn’t have time to take care of myself but was happy that Logan was properly taken care of coz I prepared all his food and washed his clothes myself. He was anxious every time I couldn’t hold him, but he was happy that I was constantly talking to him and held him and was with him every spare minute I had.

John was very helpful. He took Logan over as soon as he came home from work to relieve me. Thank goodness, a new ah-yi is starting to work for us today. Hopefully she will be good. I dislike changing ah-yis. It’ll take Logan some time to get used to her. I guess I’ll still be doing all the holding throughout this week otherwise Logan’s screams would drive all of us wild… I’ve been feeling like a mother kangaroo in the last few days. ^_^

Praise the Lord for blessing me with my precious baby and wonderful hubby.  I love them so much.  So much.

I have breastfed Logan for 3 months and can’t believe I’m still doing it, thinking about how challenging it has been since the beginning…

No-one ever told me that breastfeeding could be this difficult. I now have a lot of respect for mothers who breastfeed. Just because a lot of people do it doesn’t mean it’s easy. The same goes for labor.

Three months of breastfeeding makes it feel like a long and difficult journey. For me, this has been harder than labor or getting distinction on a masters degree.

It’s not just the physical exhaustion of the body producing milk and getting up to feed the baby every 2 or 3 hours. It’s the pain, the engorgement, the leaking/spraying, the frustration of not knowing the million reasons why a baby would cry during a feeding session. Sometimes, I cried with him. To this day, I still can’t face the shower-head because the water pressure hurts that much. Thankfully, I have finally been able to wear something since last week without feeling super sore and irritated even if that is limited to the best and lightest silk at this stage. (Thank God that Logan was born during a warm season!) The issue with clothing compelled me to give up a lot of things such as going out for walks etc which led to other issues. My mom tried for a long time persuading me to give up breastfeeding and switch to formula. At one point, even John couldn’t stand seeing me in such pain and suggested that I should stop breastfeeding. No doubt that I was so tempted, especially whenever I saw others holding Logan – something that I couldn’t do because of the severe chest pain. It made me so sad, wishing that my breasts were not so clinically sensitive so that I could hold my baby just like everyone else. Still, every time I concluded that I wanted to feed my baby the very best, making sure that he has a healthy and strong body to begin his life with.

And you know what?! He does. Praise the Lord! He’s growing so fast and getting so big. He was born a smaller baby, but… We bumped into our pediatrician 2 weeks ago. He looked at Logan and asked if we were feeding him other things on top of breastmilk. Not. Trying hard to be polite, the doctor told us that we should cut back a bit because Logan was getting too big and fat! (Check out his photos on the site!) ^_^

I enjoy having my baby close and knowing that I am able to provide for my child even though it comes with pain. He loves being breastfed. Lying on the breastfeeding pillow so close to my heart, he always falls asleep so quickly, feeling really secure and comfy even if he had just woken up full of energy prior to feeding.

I am sooo grateful to God. I’m grateful that He gave me friends who keep praying for me and encouraging me. I’m grateful that He gave me more than enough milk to feed my baby. I’m grateful that He gave me John – a wonderful and loving husband and father. I’m most grateful especially because He created Logan whom we’ve been so blessed with. His existence has already brought so much joy in our lives. I thank God for the privilege of being able to experience motherhood and the luxury of being able to breastfeed at all.

While breastfeeding challenge continues, I’m so glad that God is by my side and to know that He would never give me anything I can’t handle.

Logan honey, my baby boy, happy 3-month! I love you sooo much. Mmmuuuaaahhh!

Check out his photos on this site.  Cool tan, huh!  ^_^

P.S. Logan started having baby acne around his second week.  It is more common in baby boys and usually resolves itself within the first 4 months.  If you are praying for us still, please pray for Logan’s acne to go away asap.  Thanks so much!!!

P.P.S.  I hope this Sunday will be a sunny day coz I wanna take Logan to church!  He will be one month on that day!  Praise the Lord for my precious Logan!!!  ^_^ 

John took 2 weeks off from work to be home with baby and me.  He went back to work today.  Unfortunately, our ah-yi started having ab pain last week and found out that she had pelvic inflammation.  She kept going to the hospital for IV everyday this week and finally resigned yesterday.  Today, I’m home all by myself with Logan.  We’re doing fine even though I do feel busy having to do everything by myself now.

John spolit us when he was home in the 2 weeks.  I never had to change one single diaper until today.  He did everything for Logan except breastfeeding – that’s my part.  ^_^  That was all I did for Logan for 2 weeks and I still felt so tired.  Recovery was hard and painful.  Labor was painful, I thought I was gonna die from pain during the process.  I was depressed for 2 or 3 days when Logan’s jaundice was serious, was so sad and worried.  Now the painful parts are only breastfeeding and not washing my hair.  Breastfeeding can be enjoyable, and I’d love it so much if it didn’t hurt.  Not washing my hair has driven me crazy.  I’m quite certain I’ll be washing my hair by the end of next week.  I can’t wait until June 24.  No way.  No wayyyyy.

I love Logan.  So much.  SO so much.  I watch him for hours and hours.  For a few nights I had him sleep between John and me.  I could watch him sleep for hours then.  But then one time I almost hit him while I slept, so we decided to put him back into his crib.

John is absolutely insane with the baby.  If you have not seen what being real possessive or obsessed is like, come visit us.  John is in love with our baby like crazy.  He can’t separate himself from the baby.  Always holding him, telling him how much he loves him and how incredibly cute and precious he is, and kissing him so much that I’ve been afraid of John hurting Logan’s cheeks.  He was sad and missed Logan so much when my parents took Logan out of our apartment.  He adores his son even more than I had expected.

A few of the nights, John made me sleep in the room while he stayed in the lounge with Logan so to make sure that Logan didn’t wake me by his cries.  He brought Logan to me only when he got really hungry and had to be fed.   All the many things that he did for me really helped me recover and feel better.  He is really a good husband and loving father.  I’m so grateful having him.

I’m still quite tired these days even though I miss going out for walks and seeing my friends.  (And I miss John too.  It feels as if we’ve not spent time together, just the 2 of us.)  Can’t wait for my liberation day – June 25!  I’ll be blogging again then when I (hopefully) have more energy.

P.S.  Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts.  Logan is so precious to us.  He changes daily and has become even cuter.  ^_^  (Oh, and yes, in that sense, he does look more like me.)  ^_^  We love him with all our hearts.

All week last week I thought Logan was gonna come out.  The week and weekend passed by, and my parents even got back from America already from my brother’s graduation.  I thought Logan was waiting for his grannies and uncle to return to Shanghai.  But now, grannies are back, he’s still in there.  I suffered more intense contractions in the last 2 days, but Logan still seems to be enjoying his stay at Hotel Mom.  Only God can kick him out of there in due time.  ^_^

So, what happened to Uncle Bryte?  Uncle Bryte, on the night before he was supposed to board a plane coming to Shanghai, decided not to get on the plane because of a last-minute job offer.  All day yesterday John kept talking about waiting for him and waiting for him to have dinner together.  Funny that my hubby seemed that excited about seeing my brother.  Only around 9P.M. last night did we find out from my parents that he never got on the plane.  John was surprised again by how we (the Lin’s) can just change decisions like that so last minute.  I guess my family’s kind of weird that way.  It was like, “oh kids, next month we’re moving to South Africa,” or “oh, we were moving back to Taiwan but last week decided instead to move to Italy next month,” or “oh btw, we just got back to Taipei yesterday but have to call the shipping company to re-route our container to Shanghai coz we’re moving to Shanghai this Friday.”  I was never surprised when those decisions were made.  The Lin’s in my family all make decisions like that.  My brother is the worst coz sometimes we had no idea where in the world he was.  The closest we could guess during the days he worked in England (and supposedly lived in England) was that he had to be in Europe somewhere.  Anyway, I got derailed from the subject of this post, as always.  But, as you can see, my thoughts can’t stay in one place when I’m one of those Lin’s who can physically be anywhere jumping to anywhere any time.  It was really exciting for me last summer when I went to Moscow, came back to Shanghai and flew to Malaysia with John the next day, and then flew to Taiwan the next morning after Malaysia without knowing the schedules of the flights before returning to Shanghai again.  I called my mom the day we left Malaysia to buy a ticket for me to go to Taiwan.  Was so fun!  And soon after returning home from the 6-week holiday in those places, I unexpectedly went on the best journey of my life – pregnancy.  Thank God that we have Him and His protection no matter where on Earth we are.

I wonder if Logan’s a bit disappointed that Uncle Bryte won’t be here physically to welcome his birth, but he’s surely loved.  His big chest of drawers and room are filled with gifts from families and mommy & daddy’s friends.

Logan is such a blessing from our Father above.  We love him so very much, and really look forward to his birth every single hour now.  I simply can’t wait!  ^_^

Thanks for all the prayers!  I love prayers the most as gifts.

And I’m not even a housewife…  I haven’t really done anything at home.  The ah-yi, Xiao Mei, started working on Tuesday.  So far, she’s done a real good job, and I feel like a lazy queen.  She does everything and always tries to occupy herself with whatever she can find to clean.  Hopefully she keeps it up coz I really don’t like how ah-yis come and go from our Living Quarter.  I don’t want to have to keep changing ah-yis like a lot of people do.  In S.A. and in Taiwan, the maids seem to be much easier to manage than the ah-yis here.  I wonder if skin color has anything to do with it.  In S.A. the maids we had were Africans.  In Taiwan, the maids are usually from south-east Asia.  Here, the ah-yis look just like us.  We’re all of Chinese origin.

This is the first time I have a full-time ah-yi.  I thought I’d be annoyed having a stranger around me for 12 hours a day, but it’s actually gone pretty well so far.  Praise the Lord!

This week I send her home for 2 hours of lunch break everyday.  Next week she’s probably going to get busier because my parents and my brother will be back and will probably have some meals at my home.  I wouldn’t be surprised if my mom takes her grocery shopping too.  And, Logan’s probably gonna add to her workload a bit too.  John’s prepared to take 2 weeks off from work right after Logan’s birth.  I can’t wait!!!

Other than that, I’ve just been visiting and being visited by friends.  Saw Hanna finally and held her baby, Mayah.  She’s so cute and tiny, and looks like Hanna a lot more than Stephen.  She opened her eyes, pooped, and smiled during the 1.5 hours I visited.  I was very happy coz I got to see pretty much all that a newborn can do.  It was really nice just to chat with Hanna also. 

Luisa came to visit me and brought so many things for Logan.  I really enjoyed seeing her and being able to gossip with her for 3 hours.  Hee!  And tonight, we’ll be having dinner at Deborah and Marybeth’s.  Debs can cook really well, and she’s so kind to invite us to dinner sometimes.

My good friend, Ingrid, since third grade was going to fly over to visit me on Wednesday, but a typhoon in Taiwan forced her to change her travel plans.  Bah!  I was really looking forward to seeing her this week.  But it might as well be later, this way she’ll probably be able to see Baby Logan.

Been really wanting to pop in and visit friends at school, but it’s been rainy and I’ve been lazy.  I watch dvds and basically just wait for Logan’s birth all the time.  I really can’t wait.  Why is he still in there?!  When?  When?  When will he be born?!  I wonder all the time.  Just can’t wait to hold him!

John got a cold since yesterday.  He’s worried about passing it onto me and baby.  We hope he recovers very soon.  Please pray for all three of us.  Thanks!!!

Ok, I gotta go eat lunch now.  Smells nice!  I thank the Lord for all that He provides in my life.  Logan, Logan, my precious Logan!  Please come out soon so that I can see and hold you!  ^_^

We saw Logan opening his mouth really widely on ultrasound today.  Sooo cute!  He was licking the back of his hand.  Hee!  I guess there’s not much to do in the womb.  And, he’s running out of space, so moving his mouth and tongue is probably easier than kicking and punching.  ^_^

Dr. Kuo told us that Logan’s ready to come out any time any day now.  So, I guess Logan had his last ultrasound today and the next time we see him, we’ll really see him!!!  ^_^  Can’t wait to hold and kiss him!!! 

Pray for all three of us!

I also ordered the one-month confinement food already, after asking a few friends about it.  After delivery, they will send me special food everyday for a month.  It’s not cheap at all, but hopefully it’ll be healthy.  Certainly convenient.  I’m not so sure about the other rules of one-month confinement such as not washing hair for a month.  I don’t know how that’s possible but a lot of admirable women have successfully done it throughout centuries.

My parents left Shanghai for America on Wednesday for a holiday and to attend my brother’s graduation.  (They never made such efforts for my graduations.)  They will return next weekend.  I’m not sure if they will be back in time when Logan makes his debut.  I don’t understand this decision and don’t feel cared about by this decision at all, but Chinese parents are Chinese parents and what else can I say?!  I’m getting my own experience in becoming a parent now.  God knows that that must be a tough job and a very humbling experience.  It must be the toughest to be God, coz He’s not just our Father; He’s also our friend, our protector, our doctor, our nurse, our teacher, and everything else.  With all the bad things that we do, He still loves us so much.  It’s good to know that God is always with me, even if my parents weren’t.  Praise God for creating Logan!  What a great blessing!!!

It’s nice that it’s quiet and I can relax at home.  I miss John all the time when he’s not with me.  I love our Sunday mornings especially.  We just kind of stay in bed, sometimes chat about anything, sometimes just enjoy the tranquil morning thinking about Logan before we go to church.  Life always seems the most perfect on Sunday mornings.

Enough of me.  I’m going to rub my belly and talk and read to Logan again now.  Do some bonding.  ^_^  John often talks to him in secret codes, as if he had some kind of secret with his son.  What a weirdo!  He enjoys talking to his boy in English with an Italian accent too.  I enjoy it the most when he sings in Italian to Logan.  It’s funny having a huge boy on my side and a little boy in my belly.  I love it!  ^_^ 

So, this should be interesting… going to prom.  My baby is going to be my date tonight while John waits outside of the hall.  Heh!  We’ll go with Angelia and Marybeth to the Peace Hotel.  I’ve never been to the Peace Hotel.  It should be fun hanging out by the bund tonight.  Hope Logan will enjoy it too!  ^_^  I love Logan!

Click on this image to see my whole collection:

I really didn’t want to go back to work this week, even if just for 3 more days.  If it weren’t for the fact that parents of my students had scheduled conferences with me, I’d not have gone back.  Who cares about making the whole summer pay when I’m so physically exhausted at 9 months already!  (Yeah, I love working at a school and seeing kids, but our school changed policy this school year making teachers work at least 3/5 of the semester if they want to be paid in full during the summer.  Pregnant women included.  This doesn’t sound legal at all and is not beneficial (except maybe in the budget-saving aspect) to either the school or the pregnant teachers’ well-being.  Anyway…)  I was so tired and had to work until 8P.M. on both Tuesday and Wednesday.  By Tuesday night I was so exhausted that I got angry and irritated by everything after work.  Obviously my husband was victimized by that…  I didn’t think I’d go in the next day but I did.  Though still very tired, I felt much better on Wednesday coz I knew that was my last work day.  By the time the last parent conference ended, I was sooo happy.

And now I am off, waiting for Logan!!

The weekend and the first 3 days of holidays flew by like that, and John has to work today and tomorrow.  Not happy.  I enjoy having him with me all the time, regardless of what he does or what we do, as long as he’s with me.

Aunt and Uncle Tan came from SuZhou early Monday morning.  I was so happy to see them.  They are my favorite aunt and uncle.  We had a nice chat and lunch before my parents came back from their 4-day trip to QingDao.  That evening we had Brazilian bbq buffet which was so filling.  To me, it’s never a good idea to have buffet for dinner.  Dinner needs to be light and easy to digest, coz you sleep within a few hours afterwards rather than work and run around to spend the energy and fat gained from the meal.

The next morning my mom called early to ask if we wanted to go to LuChaoGang.  They went there about a year ago and came back saying how nice it was.  So, I said yes.  We first went upstairs (where my parents live) for breakfast.  Last night Mom pre-arranged a 6-seater van to take us.

When we went downstairs and saw the van, we were surprised.  It looked real small.  We got in, and I really did feel squished.  Wonder why, I’m in my 9th-month of pregnancy!  By now I’ve lost all kinds of flexibility and am pretty limited in how I can sit and walk.  It was a pain being stuck in this impossibly little van for supposedly 90 minutes which turned into more like 2 hours because there was a major traffic jam near the zoo on the way to our destination.  That was horrible.

Finally we arrived.  Mom and Dad were surprised by how much the place changed.  A lot of things and areas were blocked and being reconstructed.  The van took us to a few places but they were all pretty much blocked for reconstruction.  There were so many big busses and tourists who also went like we did without knowing that there was no longer anything to see!  Two hours of being stuck in a tiny van and then this.  We were obviously disappointed.  No-one said anything negative coz of course my parents had kind intentions taking us there rather than intending for us to suffer.

We decided to drive back and stop halfway at NanHui which is supposedly a town worth visiting.  After about an hour we got there and it was insanely busy and full of people everywhere.  I thought to myself there was finally some kind of liberation.  By now it was a little past lunchtime, so we started looking for a nice restaurant to eat and rest a bit.

Full.  Couldn’t find a decent restaurant that could seat us coz they were all full.  Discouraged, we got back on the van heading for another big street in hopes of finding restaurants.  In the van, my aunt suggested us returning home and just dine at this simple and nice restaurant in JingQiao.  I nodded.  Everyone seemed very happy about it, so we headed back.  I know Mom was not so pleased because she really wanted us to have a good time but all the time on this “trip”, we just really looked forward to going home.  People dozed off and I was in agony coz there was no space at all and I had to sit twisting my spine.  It was such a pain, but all the time I tried to appreciate being with family and the nice weather rather than giving in to complaints.

Finally we got back and I was sooo glad.  We got off the van and everyone looked sooo happy.  A simple lunch, some smoothies and a nice chat followed before we went home by a short bus-ride.  It was actually kind of fun, even though that was the first time I went on a bus all these months being pregnant.  I was very proud of myself by how civilized I behaved for so many hours stuck on an awful trip even while this pregnant and huge, but I definitely wouldn’t try going on any kinds of trips ever again the next time I get this big and pregnant.  It’s just highly inconvenient and uncomfortable.

There is a lesson to be learnt.  Never forget the importance of transportation.  Always get a more comfortable and roomier type of transportation if affordable.  Exhausting yourself on the way even to a nice destination is not the way to begin a trip.  That van was very trying for all of us that day.  I was really thankful that no-one complained at all to make us feel worse than we were already uncomfortable.

Aunt and Uncle left Tuesday night.  John and I had a quiet and relaxing day without leaving our apartment on Wednesday.  If I couldn’t go on a holiday to a nice beach or to Europe, this is exactly how I’d like to spend time – just being home and lazy with my hubby.

I look forward to this weekend when I’ll get to be with John all the time again!  ^_^

I finished teaching third period, and slowly waddled back to my office.  By the time I got into my office, 7 girls from 6A were sitting on the floor blocking the entrance to my work area.  There is a 15-minute break after 3rd period.  They were on strike and said that they would only leave if I went back with them for 4th period.  It was impossible for me to get them out of my office.  I tried all kinds of ways to comfort them and assure them that I’ll come back to visit with Baby Logan.  They were crying their eyes out and saying all sorts of sweet things.  I had no idea what to do.  Finally the bell rang and I had to tell them that they really had to go.  They were so teary and I gave each of them a big hug.  They sobbed their way back upstairs, and CY came into my office telling me that she thought something terrible happened until she asked the girls.  I felt bad that I didn’t know what else to do.

Just as I was finally able to breathe and settle down a bit to sort through my big box of folders, those girls came back saying that Frances gave them permission to come help me with the packing which would also give them a bit more time to spend with me.  My corner was so crowded and while I told them that they could help me on condition that they stopped crying, Heather came in.  Heather told the girls that they should be happy for me that I’m having a baby, and that they talked about this already the day before when they had PE class during which they already cried about this.  My goodness!  I had no idea that this is what some students go through emotionally when a teacher leaves before the end of a school year.  I am certainly flattered, but don’t understand how some can get this emotionally attached.  Anyway, I decided to go through each folder and take out papers for them to rip.  I even demonstrated how to rip to make them feel better.  They were so funny.  They really tried my method and it seemed to work.  We had a nice and long chat the whole period and got a lot done.  During the time, they found my name stickers.  They asked to take some and said that they’ll stick them on themselves so that they belonged to me.  ^_^

Bell rang again and they had to leave, only to come back after school to give me a cake with my name on it.  It was wonderful to see them smile again.

In the afternoon I received an e-mail from Chris.  He said that his students in 6B are not as expressive and vocal, but he spotted a student crying too and told me that he found out it was due to my leaving the school.

I felt terrible, not knowing how else to comfort my students that day.  Where did all these emotions and hormones come from?  I thought I was the one that was supposed to be having all the hormones.

Good thing that Angelia is coming back to be my replacement.  At least some of my students already know her, and they like her.  Hopefully they will all adjust well and enjoy her teaching too.  I’m sure they will.  Good thing about kids is that they adjust and adapt quickly and happily.  I feel good about leaving them in Angelia’s capable and loving hands.

I’ll always treasure the memories, and hope that they finish this school year well just as how they have been all this time.  I will certainly keep my promise to visit them.  Before then, I’ll just miss them a whooooole bunch!

…

Yesterday something that happened at the staff meeting led me to think about one of my favorite chapters in the Bible – James 3.  It talks about the taming of the tongue.  I like this chapter so much for so many reasons.  One of them being that it’s a challenge to me and it serves as a constant reminder that I want and need to have only kind thoughts in my mind, so that no evil words would even have a chance of being in my mouth to slip out.  Such a small thing in our body.  Yet, its power is unimaginably great.  We abuse it, and the consequence comes back to haunt us.  With words, we can destroy or create.  We can light up a person’s day or crush a person by what we say.  The effect is even more pronounced and long-lasting when we say positive or negative things to a child.

I don’t think most people realize often enough what we say have direct impact on ourselves and the recipients of our words.  I know a few people who live in broken relationships because of what they say over the years.  I know someone who destroyed her marriage and family because of her wild tongue that knows only to destroy.  Why so much hatred in the heart?

I used to really dislike people that show no discipline in what they say.  But, that most probably included myself!  Then in my recent years, I’ve come to see that those people who utter nothing but harsh words ready to attack all the time, are the people that probably should be loved the most, for they must’ve been wounded so badly for so long that they can’t afford to show love or to say anything kind to even people that are the closest to them.  Over the years of sadness, they turn themselves into porcupines.  How do porcupines hug?  They can’t, and that’s so sad.  Hugging is my favorite way to show how much I love and care for another person.  Every hug I give means something.  How could anyone live without being able to hug others?  But, who likes to be poked?  So, trying to like someone who’s bitter-tongued is really a challenge if not a mission impossible.  We flee from even the sight of porcupines, let alone trying to love them the most!

Anyway, I really appreciate this chapter of the Bible.  I thank God, for His eternal love and forgiveness.  And, I thank God, for being the great Father that He is, who not only loves us, but reminds us and expects us of the highest standard of behavior because He believes what seems impossible to us is actually possible, if we would just put all our faith in Him and try.  Sometimes, I am very very fearful of God, for He is so powerful and strict.  I can never hide from Him.  But most of the time, I just feel His warmth, being held in His arms feeling so protected and truly treasured even though I am unworthy and constantly make terrible mistakes.  Who loves as much as He does?  Who knows how to love as much as He does?  Who loves as truly as He does?  How can anyone not accept or want God in life?  Not mentioning anything else yet and to speak in the most practical sense, what better deals or insurance package can you ever get in your life?!

Ok, gotta go either try sleeping or wake my hubby to accompany me in the misery of heartburn.  It’s truly great to have a wonderful and loving companion in life, to have him be stuck with you.  Heh heh…  ^_^  I love Logan.  I love John!

Guess what my angels in G6B did for me today?

They threw a farewell party for me!  You know, I really was surprised when I first heard about them planning a party for me.  If any class was going to throw me a party, I’d have gussed that it was going to be 6A and not 6B.  Even though they are all the same age, my 6A and 6B are so different and it’s a mystery why that is so.  6A is loud, chaotic, full of drama, and emotions.  Exuberant.  It’s really kind of like a circus or zoo.  Very exciting but also can be exhausting at times coz they just can’t seem to focus and are so wild.  But, I love them to bits!  6B, on the other hand, behaves much more maturely.  They stay on task, get their jobs done in the most efficient and quiet manner as much as sixth graders possibly can.  They are probably the ideal class that any teacher could ever hope for, as far as students of this age go.  But, honestly, I had always favored the crazy 6A more in the first semester, and I think they knew it.  It probably wasn’t until second semester that I started appreciating 6B more.

A lot of times, I find myself favoring especially the kids that are the least likely to receive any kinds of school awards and the kids that think they don’t get noticed because they are so quiet.  The latter is probably because I was a very quiet and shy child myself when I was in school.  Also, coz a lot of the quiet kids are really very sweet.  Their actions speak much louder than words to me.  Examples would be 6B Michael and Vivian.  I love Vivian.  I’d love love love to have a daughter like her, and must have said this a thousand times to my husband.  I feel very honored that I was given the opportunity to have her as my student 2 years ago, and again this year.

So, enough blahs… 

About the party…  I was so happy to see Vivian’s mom today.  I’ve not seen her for so long!  She said that she had to come today to show some appreciation, and told me that because I had told my students that I forbade them from giving me gifts, she decided to stay home and make sandwiches to bring over and take time off work to come to this party.  For a very busy and successful career woman such as Vivian’s mom to have made such effort, I was truly touched and thankful.  And of course, I saw Peter’s mom.  She’s such a great lady, always helping out smilingly and thinking of doing something nice for the teachers of her children.  I’ve had the pleasure of teaching both of her sons.  And twice I got to have Peter as my student!  ^_^  Wendy’s mom was there too.  My goodness, under my no-gift policy, she still bought big presents for me (actually, for Logan).  She’s as sweet as can be.  No wonder Wendy is like that too!  And then there was Tim’s mom.  I felt bad coz at first I didn’t even remember whose mom she was.  Tim is Mr. Smiley.  He must be the smiliest boy student I’ve ever had.  Every time I look at him, I feel happy.  He reminds me of my very very very good friend Michael Wuthenow.  Mike always has this huge smile on his face.  I really want to tell Tim that he’s not going to have any problems making friends in his life, because that smile alone is going to attract for him so many friends, just like how everyone likes Michael because he always gives you the best gift of a smile, any day, any time.

They gave me a bunch of roses.  23 of them, each representing a student in 6B.  If I could keep these flowers alive forever, I would, because I really love those students.  How did they know that I love roses?!  Somebody said that Jerry chose to give roses.  Good choice, Jerry!  ^_^  Jerry gave me a lipstick, and it’s in one of my favorite colors.  I buy so many things in baby pink now, and wonder why I used to dislike pink but since last year, pink has been my absolute favorite.  Peter made these tiny paper flowers.  Amazing what little boys can do and make.  I remember his brother, Henry, used to make such yummy sandwiches for me as appreciation.  Gorgeous paper flowers by the way! 

Then of course Chris, 6B’s homeroom teacher, led a little game asking each student to come up with something to describe me, and at the end I had to guess who said what.  If I remember correctly, I think the following descriptions came up:
Kind (Rowena), great (Monica), generous (Molly), beautiful (Nina), very nice (Vivian), graceful (Grace), good teacher (Neil), emotional (Avery), good English (Jackie), memorable (Justin), considerate (Kevin), polite (Tim), extremely radical (Benjamin), fabulous (Ardo?), gentle (Albert), a gift from God (Jerry), superb (Peter), wonderful (Michael), smiley (Jenny), cute (Wendy?), smart (Vera?), very young-looking (Jennifer?), and demure (Mr. Chris).  Joycelyn was absent today.

For a pregnant woman who suffers the symptom of absent-mindedness, I’m pretty proud of what I can remember at this point.  ^_^

Of course, afterwards, we had food!  So much cake, sushi, sandwiches, candy, chicken wings (which Chris was addicted to), and Chinese egg-rolls.  I was photographed so many times.  Great…, now they can all remember me as the fat and round-face teacher!  Why did I have to be photographed the most when I’m in my biggest size ever!  I miss my thin and much nicer-looking self.  But of course, anything for Logan is worth it.  ^_^  I love Logan!!!

They even sang Happy Birthday (which was exactly a week ago) in both English and Chinese for me.  I was so happy just looking at those kids and spending time to really chat with Vivian’s mom.  Being so overwhelmed and excited, I totally forgot that our weekly staff meeting was already starting and had to run off like crazy.

I was truly touched, especially because this whole party and its idea was student-initiated. 

What am I gonna do after I quit my work? 

I know that I’ll miss every single one of these kids so so terribly!  They really make life so much more beautiful and memorable.  I praise the Lord for all these angels and wish that every one of them continues to do well and be blessed throughout life.  Thank my Father in Heaven for having blessed me with them.  How precious!  ^_^

I’ve been down for about a week because of a family decision made by my parents lately. That, compounded by the demands of work, confusing hormones and physical changes, fears of impending labor (though of course I’m so excited to meet and hold my baby), and possibly some other pregnancy symptoms that I’m not consciously aware of, I had not felt happy for a week until the day of my birthday. I did not expect my 30th birthday to be anything unusual. In fact, I told John that I just wanted it to be a quiet one between the two of us.

Last Saturday my parents took us to the nicest steakhouse for my birthday. That, I thought, was the end of celebration. Who knew that my husband began making it a little project for himself. It turned into a big deal.

Thursday was the worst, and Tuesday I was really down when John happened to surprise me by showing up in my office to fetch me from work. I was so glad to see him. So glad. We just sat on a step to watch a group of students play hockey on campus and had a simple dinner afterwards. T’was nice, just being with hubby… (He’d make a good liar. I questioned him about why he was able to leave his work an hour and half earlier that day and he really convinced me that he just asked for a switch-off which his boss kindly allowed. As it turned out, he confessed to me only last night that he took the whole of Tuesday off just running errands to get ready for my birthday.)

Yesterday I woke up not feeling 30 and dragged myself to my office for the mountains of exam papers and essays that needed my grading. I expected a very boring and long day but ended up having such a crazy morning coz groups of my students kept coming in, crowding my office to give me birthday wishes and sing birthday songs. My corner of that office was so noisy and turned into a touristic spot the entire time. Student Peggy was like a tour guide. She came 4 times with different groups of students. I have to say that she really is one of my favorite students. In front of my 5 co-workers, she courageously just started singing Happy Birthday so loudly, clapping and swaying her head from side to side with Rebecca. To me, they really looked like sweet angels and I wanted to hug them forever. All the girls in Class 6A came to see me and I thought to myself “I really want a daughter besides a son.” Then 3 of the boys came too which surprised me even more. I think these 3 are sweeties and will turn out to be a bit like John, making themselves sweet husbands one day in the future too. What an insane morning, with the phone calls, many little angels, other visitors, flower delivery, and other exciting things that happen in a school.

(I have to talk about my students. I love my students. Out of all these years of teaching, I don’t think there ever was one that I actually disliked. I’ve been very fortunate and blessed with wonderful students every single year. This year has been the year that I’ve had to teach the biggest number of students so far – 48 (currently 47). And I treasure every single one of them. The wild, the loud, the shy, and the quiet ones. Every single one of them is so precious and special. I have something good to say about each one, and hope that they all know how much I adore and appreciate them. I continue to remember and cherish the memories of all the students that I taught in the past too. Sometimes they contact me, and when they see me, they’d always greet which makes me really happy. They warm me up by the things they do for me, say to me, and by sending me cards on Teachers’ Day, on my birthday (even after so long some still remember!), and e-mails. Sometimes I spend time just going through in my mind those names of my students from each of my teaching year. The memory alone makes me smile, and I thank them for having touched my life. I praise and thank God for the precious opportunity of being a teacher and now, for becoming a mother and having a child of my own. While I look forward to welcoming Logan, I do feel really sad to leave teaching soon and especially my students. I know I will miss each of them terribly, terribly.)

My office-mates took me to lunch at The House of Flour yesterday. It was such a nice lunch. We had an American waiter and I almost felt I was outside of China, which was really nice coz I’ve been wanting a holiday so bad! ^_^ It was such a beautiful day with rare gorgeous weather in Shanghai. I felt so relaxed and content that I almost dozed off into dreamland with a dumb smile on my face during a nice conversation the others were having beside me. On the way back to school in the cab, I sat in the front with my big 9th-month belly. The cab-driver kept chatting with me. He was funny. Looking at my obvious bump, he kept telling me that he’s a safe driver and guaranteed safe delivery of us four teachers while barely keeping his hands on the steering wheel. He held his sun-glasses in one hand and cell-phone in the other trying to read off the screen. Sitting at the front, I was a bit scared. He told me how he envied that I was going to give John a son, saying that he wept and couldn’t eat for 2 weeks when he found out that under the Chinese one-birth policy his wife delivered a girl some years ago. I told him how lucky he has been to have a daughter to be close to his heart, to chat and keep him in company when he grows old. He shook his head violently responding that his daughter is bossy, tries to manage his affairs for him, and sometimes would tell him that he’s not making enough money for their family. He sounded funny even though he could be seriously telling me the truth. When we were dropped off, he still couldn’t stop chatting with me and yelled from the cab wishing both Hanna and I have healthy boys. Funny guy. I was just glad that we arrived safely.

We had cakes after dinner. Then Ivan came to visit even though he’s such a busy person. Birthday was filled with love and God’s grace. I was so happy throughout the day, and I thank John especially for it. He gave (and gives) me so much. And btw, he’s really a nut. He practically broadcasted that it was my birthday to almost all of my friends yesterday. And so I was getting e-mails with birthday wishes. Gosh, I felt so embarrassed thinking that people possibly felt obliged to bless me. What a nut!

I was so tired by the end of the day but couldn’t fall asleep coz I was just too happy and excited. Logan had a quieter day, probably not wanting to draw too much of my attention and take the spotlight on my day. Just a few wiggles here and there every now and then to help ease my mind messaging that he’s fine throughout the day. What a good child! ^_^ (Btw, I think he loves presents. Throughout these months, every time someone gives me something for Logan, as soon as I start opening it, he’d start kicking excitedly until I finish admiring the present and packing it up.) Funny. ^_^ Btw, a huge huge thank you to all my friends for being so generous, giving and loving. We’ve received SO MANY gifts for Logan from so many friends! Gosh, I never knew we were this thought about and loved! (To Dina and Sherry who live so far from us, we love the books and the cute outfits!) And to my students, for their sweet thoughts, cards, wishes, help, and curiosity about Baby Logan. ^_^

You’d think birthday celebration ends here. It doesn’t! My goodness. John sent an e-mail to some friends about somehow celebrating it this Saturday too over lunch at Da Marco’s. Italians can be so crazy sometimes. ^_^ Exactly the reason why I married him. He’s so crazy! So good to me. I praise and praise and praise the Lord for giving me John and Logan – the two men/boys that I will always love the most in my life. I never know where life leads us to and don’t want to be over-confident or take for granted thinking that my marriage will always be like how it’s been, but hopefully with God as our foundation and light in life, we’ll always love each other so much and go through everything (good and bad) together with one united heart.

P.S. I love Logan! ^_^ I still can’t imagine little Logan running around in a spiderman costume thinking he’s some superhero like how John had always dreamed of when he was a little boy himself. It’s a strange feeling for me to be having a son. I have no ideas how little boys operate and what they like. But, no matter what, I love this little one so much. In my eyes, he can do no wrong. I feel there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for him. We await for his birthday to come! ^_^

John here. My previous post was sent out to subscribers via e-mail, but there was an error in the photo dimentions, so it looked like Becky was very wide… Sorry, my bad. The photo is now correct.

Baby Shower, Saturday March 25, 2006

All week long, I looked forward to the baby shower and every night I’d tell John (who seemed calm and almost ignorant…) that we were one day closer to the baby shower.  Of course everyday I told baby Logan that too without realizing that he could actually comprehend and get all excited about it.  Saturday morning I was woken up by vigorous baby movements around 5 o’clock.  I tried going back to sleep but baby kept moving.  Finally by 8 o’clock I got up and woke poor John up to wait for the baby shower.  Baby continued to move a lot throughout the morning.  By noon, I was so tired I fell asleep on the sofa waiting for Hanna to call so that we could go there. Finally the call came sometime after 2P.M. and I got up from the sofa taking my pregnant-women time to slowly get ready while John hollered and rushed me like a nut.  I think he finally exploded and came out of his normally calm Ninja-like self into his crazy, uncontainable Italian self.  At this point he was way more excited than me.  Baby kicked around creating the zillionth storm in me.  Funny feeling.  ^_^

We went there and everything was just perfect.  Hanna, being an amazing pregnant woman herself, cooked and prepared so much yummy foods.  Angelia was busy and all over the apartment throughout the whole thing.  So many friends came and I felt so warmed up inside and outside that I had a red face all the time.  The games were so fun, and I knew Stephen was going to win the drinking-from-a-bottle game!  We took home the little babies that our friends molded with playdough for keeps to give to Logan in the future.  There were some horrible-looking ones…  Luckily none hairy…  And there was one that John was so happy with and couldn’t take his eyes off it – the one that had come with a bit of bowel movement…  During the baby shower, Logan only wiggled a bit every now and then.  I think he was a bit overwhelmed by all the laughters and the happenings.  Or, he’s just like John, who usually looks very calm but…

Anyway, after going home around 6P.M., we scattered all the gifts around our living room.  Baby started moving all excitedly again until midnight!  I was really shocked coz how could a baby move this much all day long?!  He is such an aware baby and I feel that talking to him has not only been fun but also helpful quite a number of times.  Repeatedly I reminded him that he’s such a loved baby, having so many aunties and uncles that were going to come to celebrate and bless him.  Of course, once Saturday was officially gone he became all quiet, very sleepy and wiggled only very slightly every few hours throughout Sunday.

John has started to play with the baby monitors, soft balls, and the stroller that our friends generously gave us since the baby shower.  I’ve been getting more and more previews of how our apartment is going to look and feel like once baby’s born.  Could one huge John with a little John junior be too much for me to handle?  I don’t know, but I’d go insane if the boys had to be kept inside the apartment all day long.  I’ve come to realize that they are probably a bit like animals who need to be let out of the cage at least once in the morning and once in the evening.  Right now, I’m just afraid of that stroller bumping into me with John driving behind it…  Those of you that don’t know how Italians drive, ask a German who’s been to Italy.

All these months, I tried to avoid being photographed.  At the baby shower, that was not at all possible.  So, now, everyone has the pleasure of seeing my double-chin and my fat-all-around pregnant appearance.  Hm…  It’s hard for me to imagine being able to shrink back to pre-pregnancy size.  (Isn’t God’s design just amazing!!!)  Usually, I’d cry, but thinking of my baby I guess it’s all ok.  ^_^  I love him so so much.  It’s wonderul to know that regardless of how I look now (whether or not my figure will go back to before), my heavenly Father and John still love me so so much.  ^_^

Huge thanks and hugs, from John and the combo of baby Logan and me, to all of my friends who came and supported the baby shower.  It was mad fun.  I can’t even begin to thank my dear friend Angelia enough, as well as the very pregnant Hanna!