I feel as if I haven’t had time to do anything lately.  Everything seems to take so much time and effort for me now.

I really didn’t want to go back to work this week, even if just for 3 more days.  If it weren’t for the fact that parents of my students had scheduled conferences with me, I’d not have gone back.  Who cares about making the whole summer pay when I’m so physically exhausted at 9 months already!  (Yeah, I love working at a school and seeing kids, but our school changed policy this school year making teachers work at least 3/5 of the semester if they want to be paid in full during the summer.  Pregnant women included.  This doesn’t sound legal at all and is not beneficial (except maybe in the budget-saving aspect) to either the school or the pregnant teachers’ well-being.  Anyway…)  I was so tired and had to work until 8P.M. on both Tuesday and Wednesday.  By Tuesday night I was so exhausted that I got angry and irritated by everything after work.  Obviously my husband was victimized by that…  I didn’t think I’d go in the next day but I did.  Though still very tired, I felt much better on Wednesday coz I knew that was my last work day.  By the time the last parent conference ended, I was sooo happy.

And now I am off, waiting for Logan!!

It’s now early Thursday.  I’m again up at this odd hour thanks to MSG in Chinese foods that cause severe heartburn.  I will try very hard to remember not to have those dumplings again at least before Logan’s born!

The weekend and the first 3 days of holidays flew by like that, and John has to work today and tomorrow.  Not happy.  I enjoy having him with me all the time, regardless of what he does or what we do, as long as he’s with me.

Aunt and Uncle Tan came from SuZhou early Monday morning.  I was so happy to see them.  They are my favorite aunt and uncle.  We had a nice chat and lunch before my parents came back from their 4-day trip to QingDao.  That evening we had Brazilian bbq buffet which was so filling.  To me, it’s never a good idea to have buffet for dinner.  Dinner needs to be light and easy to digest, coz you sleep within a few hours afterwards rather than work and run around to spend the energy and fat gained from the meal.

The next morning my mom called early to ask if we wanted to go to LuChaoGang.  They went there about a year ago and came back saying how nice it was.  So, I said yes.  We first went upstairs (where my parents live) for breakfast.  Last night Mom pre-arranged a 6-seater van to take us.

When we went downstairs and saw the van, we were surprised.  It looked real small.  We got in, and I really did feel squished.  Wonder why, I’m in my 9th-month of pregnancy!  By now I’ve lost all kinds of flexibility and am pretty limited in how I can sit and walk.  It was a pain being stuck in this impossibly little van for supposedly 90 minutes which turned into more like 2 hours because there was a major traffic jam near the zoo on the way to our destination.  That was horrible.

Finally we arrived.  Mom and Dad were surprised by how much the place changed.  A lot of things and areas were blocked and being reconstructed.  The van took us to a few places but they were all pretty much blocked for reconstruction.  There were so many big busses and tourists who also went like we did without knowing that there was no longer anything to see!  Two hours of being stuck in a tiny van and then this.  We were obviously disappointed.  No-one said anything negative coz of course my parents had kind intentions taking us there rather than intending for us to suffer.

We decided to drive back and stop halfway at NanHui which is supposedly a town worth visiting.  After about an hour we got there and it was insanely busy and full of people everywhere.  I thought to myself there was finally some kind of liberation.  By now it was a little past lunchtime, so we started looking for a nice restaurant to eat and rest a bit.

Full.  Couldn’t find a decent restaurant that could seat us coz they were all full.  Discouraged, we got back on the van heading for another big street in hopes of finding restaurants.  In the van, my aunt suggested us returning home and just dine at this simple and nice restaurant in JingQiao.  I nodded.  Everyone seemed very happy about it, so we headed back.  I know Mom was not so pleased because she really wanted us to have a good time but all the time on this “trip”, we just really looked forward to going home.  People dozed off and I was in agony coz there was no space at all and I had to sit twisting my spine.  It was such a pain, but all the time I tried to appreciate being with family and the nice weather rather than giving in to complaints.

Finally we got back and I was sooo glad.  We got off the van and everyone looked sooo happy.  A simple lunch, some smoothies and a nice chat followed before we went home by a short bus-ride.  It was actually kind of fun, even though that was the first time I went on a bus all these months being pregnant.  I was very proud of myself by how civilized I behaved for so many hours stuck on an awful trip even while this pregnant and huge, but I definitely wouldn’t try going on any kinds of trips ever again the next time I get this big and pregnant.  It’s just highly inconvenient and uncomfortable.

There is a lesson to be learnt.  Never forget the importance of transportation.  Always get a more comfortable and roomier type of transportation if affordable.  Exhausting yourself on the way even to a nice destination is not the way to begin a trip.  That van was very trying for all of us that day.  I was really thankful that no-one complained at all to make us feel worse than we were already uncomfortable.

Aunt and Uncle left Tuesday night.  John and I had a quiet and relaxing day without leaving our apartment on Wednesday.  If I couldn’t go on a holiday to a nice beach or to Europe, this is exactly how I’d like to spend time - just being home and lazy with my hubby.

I look forward to this weekend when I’ll get to be with John all the time again!  ^_^

Friday was my last teaching day until… until when I decide to return to teaching ever again.  I taught 2 classes, and my boss took the other 2 to give me time to start getting ready to move out of my office.  First period I had 6B and they didn’t seem out of the ordinary.  I walked towards the 6A classroom as the third bell rang.  Usually I could hear them from 4 classrooms away, and wondered what was happening to 6A before I entered their room.  Someone was already crying when I walked in, and apparently they were trying to be quiet in hopes that I’d change my mind to continue teaching them until perhaps labor itself starts…  The first week of May is school holidays.  Afterwards I’ll work
3 more days, mainly to have parent conferences (report cards just went home on Friday) and to clear out of my office.  I really need those 3 days to finish non-teaching related work.

I finished teaching third period, and slowly waddled back to my office.  By the time I got into my office, 7 girls from 6A were sitting on the floor blocking the entrance to my work area.  There is a 15-minute break after 3rd period.  They were on strike and said that they would only leave if I went back with them for 4th period.  It was impossible for me to get them out of my office.  I tried all kinds of ways to comfort them and assure them that I’ll come back to visit with Baby Logan.  They were crying their eyes out and saying all sorts of sweet things.  I had no idea what to do.  Finally the bell rang and I had to tell them that they really had to go.  They were so teary and I gave each of them a big hug.  They sobbed their way back upstairs, and CY came into my office telling me that she thought something terrible happened until she asked the girls.  I felt bad that I didn’t know what else to do.

Just as I was finally able to breathe and settle down a bit to sort through my big box of folders, those girls came back saying that Frances gave them permission to come help me with the packing which would also give them a bit more time to spend with me.  My corner was so crowded and while I told them that they could help me on condition that they stopped crying, Heather came in.  Heather told the girls that they should be happy for me that I’m having a baby, and that they talked about this already the day before when they had PE class during which they already cried about this.  My goodness!  I had no idea that this is what some students go through emotionally when a teacher leaves before the end of a school year.  I am certainly flattered, but don’t understand how some can get this emotionally attached.  Anyway, I decided to go through each folder and take out papers for them to rip.  I even demonstrated how to rip to make them feel better.  They were so funny.  They really tried my method and it seemed to work.  We had a nice and long chat the whole period and got a lot done.  During the time, they found my name stickers.  They asked to take some and said that they’ll stick them on themselves so that they belonged to me.  ^_^

Bell rang again and they had to leave, only to come back after school to give me a cake with my name on it.  It was wonderful to see them smile again.

In the afternoon I received an e-mail from Chris.  He said that his students in 6B are not as expressive and vocal, but he spotted a student crying too and told me that he found out it was due to my leaving the school.

I felt terrible, not knowing how else to comfort my students that day.  Where did all these emotions and hormones come from?  I thought I was the one that was supposed to be having all the hormones.

Good thing that Angelia is coming back to be my replacement.  At least some of my students already know her, and they like her.  Hopefully they will all adjust well and enjoy her teaching too.  I’m sure they will.  Good thing about kids is that they adjust and adapt quickly and happily.  I feel good about leaving them in Angelia’s capable and loving hands.

I’ll always treasure the memories, and hope that they finish this school year well just as how they have been all this time.  I will certainly keep my promise to visit them.  Before then, I’ll just miss them a whooooole bunch!

It’s now 3 A.M., and why am I up even though I really am tired?  Heartburn.  Logan’s so big and still positioned so high up that my stomach must be like right under my tongue now.  It’s uncomfortable.  Good thing that this is the last month of pregnancy.

…

Yesterday something that happened at the staff meeting led me to think about one of my favorite chapters in the Bible - James 3.  It talks about the taming of the tongue.  I like this chapter so much for so many reasons.  One of them being that it’s a challenge to me and it serves as a constant reminder that I want and need to have only kind thoughts in my mind, so that no evil words would even have a chance of being in my mouth to slip out.  Such a small thing in our body.  Yet, its power is unimaginably great.  We abuse it, and the consequence comes back to haunt us.  With words, we can destroy or create.  We can light up a person’s day or crush a person by what we say.  The effect is even more pronounced and long-lasting when we say positive or negative things to a child.

I don’t think most people realize often enough what we say have direct impact on ourselves and the recipients of our words.  I know a few people who live in broken relationships because of what they say over the years.  I know someone who destroyed her marriage and family because of her wild tongue that knows only to destroy.  Why so much hatred in the heart?

I used to really dislike people that show no discipline in what they say.  But, that most probably included myself!  Then in my recent years, I’ve come to see that those people who utter nothing but harsh words ready to attack all the time, are the people that probably should be loved the most, for they must’ve been wounded so badly for so long that they can’t afford to show love or to say anything kind to even people that are the closest to them.  Over the years of sadness, they turn themselves into porcupines.  How do porcupines hug?  They can’t, and that’s so sad.  Hugging is my favorite way to show how much I love and care for another person.  Every hug I give means something.  How could anyone live without being able to hug others?  But, who likes to be poked?  So, trying to like someone who’s bitter-tongued is really a challenge if not a mission impossible.  We flee from even the sight of porcupines, let alone trying to love them the most!

Anyway, I really appreciate this chapter of the Bible.  I thank God, for His eternal love and forgiveness.  And, I thank God, for being the great Father that He is, who not only loves us, but reminds us and expects us of the highest standard of behavior because He believes what seems impossible to us is actually possible, if we would just put all our faith in Him and try.  Sometimes, I am very very fearful of God, for He is so powerful and strict.  I can never hide from Him.  But most of the time, I just feel His warmth, being held in His arms feeling so protected and truly treasured even though I am unworthy and constantly make terrible mistakes.  Who loves as much as He does?  Who knows how to love as much as He does?  Who loves as truly as He does?  How can anyone not accept or want God in life?  Not mentioning anything else yet and to speak in the most practical sense, what better deals or insurance package can you ever get in your life?!

Ok, gotta go either try sleeping or wake my hubby to accompany me in the misery of heartburn.  It’s truly great to have a wonderful and loving companion in life, to have him be stuck with you.  Heh heh…  ^_^  I love Logan.  I love John!

I’m nearing my last work day at school.  Full of emotions these days…  Half of it is just me, and half of it is probably thanks to all the hormones running through me in order to support this pregnancy.  (I love my baby, Logan!  ^_^  )

Guess what my angels in G6B did for me today?

They threw a farewell party for me!  You know, I really was surprised when I first heard about them planning a party for me.  If any class was going to throw me a party, I’d have gussed that it was going to be 6A and not 6B.  Even though they are all the same age, my 6A and 6B are so different and it’s a mystery why that is so.  6A is loud, chaotic, full of drama, and emotions.  Exuberant.  It’s really kind of like a circus or zoo.  Very exciting but also can be exhausting at times coz they just can’t seem to focus and are so wild.  But, I love them to bits!  6B, on the other hand, behaves much more maturely.  They stay on task, get their jobs done in the most efficient and quiet manner as much as sixth graders possibly can.  They are probably the ideal class that any teacher could ever hope for, as far as students of this age go.  But, honestly, I had always favored the crazy 6A more in the first semester, and I think they knew it.  It probably wasn’t until second semester that I started appreciating 6B more.

A lot of times, I find myself favoring especially the kids that are the least likely to receive any kinds of school awards and the kids that think they don’t get noticed because they are so quiet.  The latter is probably because I was a very quiet and shy child myself when I was in school.  Also, coz a lot of the quiet kids are really very sweet.  Their actions speak much louder than words to me.  Examples would be 6B Michael and Vivian.  I love Vivian.  I’d love love love to have a daughter like her, and must have said this a thousand times to my husband.  I feel very honored that I was given the opportunity to have her as my student 2 years ago, and again this year.

So, enough blahs… 

About the party…  I was so happy to see Vivian’s mom today.  I’ve not seen her for so long!  She said that she had to come today to show some appreciation, and told me that because I had told my students that I forbade them from giving me gifts, she decided to stay home and make sandwiches to bring over and take time off work to come to this party.  For a very busy and successful career woman such as Vivian’s mom to have made such effort, I was truly touched and thankful.  And of course, I saw Peter’s mom.  She’s such a great lady, always helping out smilingly and thinking of doing something nice for the teachers of her children.  I’ve had the pleasure of teaching both of her sons.  And twice I got to have Peter as my student!  ^_^  Wendy’s mom was there too.  My goodness, under my no-gift policy, she still bought big presents for me (actually, for Logan).  She’s as sweet as can be.  No wonder Wendy is like that too!  And then there was Tim’s mom.  I felt bad coz at first I didn’t even remember whose mom she was.  Tim is Mr. Smiley.  He must be the smiliest boy student I’ve ever had.  Every time I look at him, I feel happy.  He reminds me of my very very very good friend Michael Wuthenow.  Mike always has this huge smile on his face.  I really want to tell Tim that he’s not going to have any problems making friends in his life, because that smile alone is going to attract for him so many friends, just like how everyone likes Michael because he always gives you the best gift of a smile, any day, any time.

They gave me a bunch of roses.  23 of them, each representing a student in 6B.  If I could keep these flowers alive forever, I would, because I really love those students.  How did they know that I love roses?!  Somebody said that Jerry chose to give roses.  Good choice, Jerry!  ^_^  Jerry gave me a lipstick, and it’s in one of my favorite colors.  I buy so many things in baby pink now, and wonder why I used to dislike pink but since last year, pink has been my absolute favorite.  Peter made these tiny paper flowers.  Amazing what little boys can do and make.  I remember his brother, Henry, used to make such yummy sandwiches for me as appreciation.  Gorgeous paper flowers by the way! 

Then of course Chris, 6B’s homeroom teacher, led a little game asking each student to come up with something to describe me, and at the end I had to guess who said what.  If I remember correctly, I think the following descriptions came up:
Kind (Rowena), great (Monica), generous (Molly), beautiful (Nina), very nice (Vivian), graceful (Grace), good teacher (Neil), emotional (Avery), good English (Jackie), memorable (Justin), considerate (Kevin), polite (Tim), extremely radical (Benjamin), fabulous (Ardo?), gentle (Albert), a gift from God (Jerry), superb (Peter), wonderful (Michael), smiley (Jenny), cute (Wendy?), smart (Vera?), very young-looking (Jennifer?), and demure (Mr. Chris).  Joycelyn was absent today.

For a pregnant woman who suffers the symptom of absent-mindedness, I’m pretty proud of what I can remember at this point.  ^_^

Of course, afterwards, we had food!  So much cake, sushi, sandwiches, candy, chicken wings (which Chris was addicted to), and Chinese egg-rolls.  I was photographed so many times.  Great…, now they can all remember me as the fat and round-face teacher!  Why did I have to be photographed the most when I’m in my biggest size ever!  I miss my thin and much nicer-looking self.  But of course, anything for Logan is worth it.  ^_^  I love Logan!!!

They even sang Happy Birthday (which was exactly a week ago) in both English and Chinese for me.  I was so happy just looking at those kids and spending time to really chat with Vivian’s mom.  Being so overwhelmed and excited, I totally forgot that our weekly staff meeting was already starting and had to run off like crazy.

I was truly touched, especially because this whole party and its idea was student-initiated. 

What am I gonna do after I quit my work? 

I know that I’ll miss every single one of these kids so so terribly!  They really make life so much more beautiful and memorable.  I praise the Lord for all these angels and wish that every one of them continues to do well and be blessed throughout life.  Thank my Father in Heaven for having blessed me with them.  How precious!  ^_^